|
(June 4, 2003)
The fans weren't the only thing that had Dru's nerves on edge. Working with a tutor had her biting
her fingernails too. She had never studied with anybody that didn't know her inside out. Actually, the only people she had
been studying with up until now were Justin and, on occasion, Danny. Now she was in her hotel room, waiting for her new teacher
to get there. Justin had told her that her name was Rachel and that he had worked with her when he had been earning his GED.
The fact that Rachel had worked with her boyfriend had made her ease up a little...but she was still nervous. She had wanted
Justin to be here for her first session, but that was impossible. The tour opener was tonight, and Justin was overwhelmed
with work. She wouldn't be seeing him until the soundcheck.
The door opened. Dru held her breath...
"Hey girl."
It
was Danny. She exhaled. She had nearly forgotten that he was going to be joining her. "Hi." She whispered.
He dropped
his books on the floor and plopped down next to her. "It's the big day!" He exclaimed, his eyes full of excitement. "You excited?"
She
pulled away from him. "Yes."
Danny's smiled quickly faded. "Tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing. I just...don't
like meeting new people." She confessed. "You know."
He kissed her cheek. "I know. But I'm here. It'll be fine."
She
felt herself smile. She had spent countless nights wishing he was with her...saying the things he had just said to her. Now
she had him back. Now she would always be able to hear him say those things to her...
At least for now. As for after
the tour...she still didn't know what to do. It had been plaguing her mind for weeks now. Did she want to go? Yes. Did she
love Justin? Yes. Would she be able to handle another separation from Danny? No. Could she tell Justin she wanted to leave
him to go to Europe? There was no way. She couldn't hurt him like that. Not after all he had done to give her a better life...a
life with a future.
"Don't worry about Europe so much." Danny told her. "I shouldn't have brought it up so soon."
Dru
looked at him. Was she that obvious? No...it wasn't that. Danny was simply able to read her like a book. "No...don't be sorry."
She said. "It's a good idea Danny. It's just...right now I need to think about it."
He squeezed her hand. "You just
take all the time you need Dru. I'm not going to pressure you into this...and if you decide not to go...I'll make sure we
keep in touch. That's a promise."
She hugged him. She remembered she had always loved to hug him. Hugging him was the
first thing she had longed for after he had gone. Now she had him back in her arms again. She never wanted to let go...she
never wanted to lose this embrace again.
"You should talk to Justin about this." He whispered. "Because I know you
haven't."
She didn't have to ask how he knew. "It's hard...to talk to him." She confessed. "He won't understand."
"If
he loves you he'll understand." Danny told her.
He was right. Maybe she would talk to Justin about it all. Yes, she
had to. Justin had a right to know about Danny. "Okay." She whispered.
"Good." Danny smiled. "Everything is going to
be fine Dru. Whatever is meant to happen...will happen." He reassured her. "Just promise me something."
"Anything Danny."
He
put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Whatever you decide...just make sure it's what you really want and not what somebody
else wants. You can't go through life living for other people Dru. You have to make the most out of your own existence."
Her
conscience was screaming at her, telling her that she should go with Danny. It's the right thing to do Dru...She blocked the
voice out. No...she wasn't going to make any sort of decision yet. She had to have a long talk with Justin about all of this.
She had to find out if their relationship was worth her turning Danny down. Did Justin love her enough? Was she ready to give
up Danny for Justin?'
"Dru?"
"I promise." She said, not meeting his gaze.
She was so confused.
The
door opened again. This time it was a woman. Dru assumed it was Rachel. No, now there was no time to think about her current
situation. Now she had to focus on other things...like how to get through her first lesson without looking like a complete
moron.
***********************
"Everyone needs one of these."
The lesson had gone alot better than Dru thought
it would. Rachel seemed to know the exact areas Dru needed help in, and didn't laugh at her for not being as educated as Danny
was. In fact she didn't even question her about her schooling, or where she grew up. Dru figured Justin had probably already
told her all that...but it was fine with her. The less people she had to retell her story to, the better.
"They have
to be blue Dru."
His name was Mark and he was Justin's tour manager. He was a nice guy, but he was too serious for
her liking. "Blue?" She asked, studying the small plastic strip Mark held in his hand.
"Yes. If it's not blue...they
don't get in. You understand don't you?"
She nodded.
"You can't mess this up Dru." Mark said. "These people
paid alot of money to do this." He handed her a stack of folders. "Once they show you their wristband you give them one of
these."
She glanced at the pile and then looked at Mark again. "What's in 'em?"
"Justin stuff." He nodded. "Now,"
he glanced at his watch. "We better head up there. It's almost three."
She began to tremble. This was it. There was
no turning back now. She watched Mark begin to make his way down the hall for a few moments, before forcing herself to follow
him. What was going to happen? Were these fans going to take her seriously? Would she be able to control them? No...she would
screw it up, like everything else.
They reached the door. Dru could hear music...Justin's music...blasting in the hallway...girls
chattering excitedly. Mark opened the door. Several shrieks arose from the group of girls. Dru was terrified. She sucked in
a breath. She couldn't lose it now...everybody was counting on her...Justin was counting on her. She watched with wide eyes
as Mark began to speak to the girls and explain to them the rules of the tour and what was going to happen once they were
inside.
"No biting, tugging, tearing, or smelling Justin." Mark smiled. "Hugging is okay...just as long as you let
go."
The girls laughed.
"This is Dru." Mark pointed to her. "She's going to take you into Justin's dressing
room." He looked at her, expecting her to say something.
"Uh..." She stammered, barely able to get a sound out. The
girls were staring at her. They probably thought she was an idiot. "Hi."
Several "hi's" were spoken. All the girls
smiled. Dru began to relax. This wasn't so bad.
"Y'all better cut her some slack." Mark laughed. "It's her first tour."
Dru
gasped. Great. Just great. Now they would all know how stupid she was.
"If you would all please have your wristbands
on...Dru's gonna take you back." Mark said, leaning in closer to her. "Now you give them the folders. If they don't have a
wristband...tell me."
She nodded and began to make her way through the group. The girls were all nice...most of them
seemed as nervous as she was. Some were looked like they were about to cry...some told her they had been fans of Justin's
for ten years. Some even boasted that they had seen NSYNC thirty or forty times in concert. It wasn't so nerve racking anymore.
The fans were really cool to talk to...she liked to see what kind of an impact Justin's work had made on people.
Although
she knew, if they knew that she was actually Justin's girlfriend...they probably wouldn't have been so nice to her. No matter...they
weren't going to find out.
As luck would have it, everybody had a wristband. Dru couldn't have been more relieved.
She didn't want any problems today. Finally, Mark was satisfied enough with the situation to let her take the fans backstage.
Now it was time for the real test. She was alone with them now. It was up to her to control them. She walked down the hallway,
holding a conversation with two of the girls. They wanted to know what Justin was really like...they told her she was lucky
that she got to hang with him everyday. Dru wanted to laugh. Justin was just a person, no better than anybody else. These
girls were acting like was some sort of God.
Trace was standing in front of Justin's dressing room door. Dru was surprised
to hear several shrieks rip through her eardrums. "Trace!" they yelled. Dru was confused. Trace wasn't even famous.
"Hey
girls." Trace smiled, swaggering over to the group. "Hey D."
"Hi." She smiled.
"How ya holdin' up?" He asked.
Dru
shrugged. "Good."
He snickered. "Thought I would check up on ya." He glanced at the girls. "Y'all better not be givin
my girl any trouble." He said, playfully putting his arm around her.
Dru looked back at the girls. They seemed starstruck.
It was amazing. Dru watched as the fans asked for his autograph and shoved their cameras at her so she could take snapshots
of them with Trace. She was happy to. Although Trace didn't seemed so thrilled. He looked like he wanted to get away more
than anything else. She couldn't blame him though. If he wasn't friends with Justin...these girls wouldn't want anything to
do with him.
"I gotta run." He told her, after the last picture had been taken. "Just wanted to let you know," he began
leaning in close to her so the fans wouldn't be able to hear. "Christina's been saying some stuff to Justin."
She stole
a quick glance back at the girls before looking at Trace. "What?"
"I dunno." He said softly. "All I know is that it's
got Justin pissed. You better talk to him Dru."
She knew Trace knew more than he was letting on. Justin told him everything.
"Trace...you better just tell me what you know."
He sighed and pulled her further away from the girls. "Are you leaving
him Dru?"
Her jaw dropped. Had Christina brought up Europe to Justin because she hadn't had the guts to?
"Dru."
Trace repeated.
She met his gaze. "It's...It's not like that."
He frowned. "Then what is it? Christina said
that you're leaving after the tour to go to Europe with her or somethin'."
"Senorita I feel for you..."
Dru
looked over her shoulder. The girls had burst into song while waiting for her to let them into the dressing room. She couldn't
talk to Trace about this right now. "Trace...I gotta go."
"I know." He mumbled. "But you better fix this Dru. After
all he's done for you...you better not screw him over now." He turned on his heel and walked away from her.
She felt
like crying. This wasn't at all how she wanted Justin to find out about all of this. But Christina, trying to be the good
friend that she was, had informed him of the situation for her. Now he was pissed. Now there was no way he was going to understand
all of this. But, she couldn't let this situation affect her work. These fans had no idea about all of this...and they couldn't
know. She plastered a smile across her face and turned back to the girls. "Sorry guys." She said, whipping out her set of
keys. She unlocked the door to the dressing room and commenced with the tour. She tried to describe everything with enthusiasm,
but it was nearly impossible.
Justin hated her.
"Dru is this you!" One of the fans exclaimed, pointing to a
picture that sat on Justin's vanity.
She crept closer to the vanity. Yes...it was her. Her and Justin. It was the Splash
Mountain picture. The one that had been taken while they were on the ride. The picture that Justin had told her was "the best
picture ever." Another picture sat next to that one. It was a picture of her and the boys. Justin always carried it with him.
She felt tears stinging her eyes and quickly blinked them away. "Yes, that's me."
The girls made a big deal of the
pictures. They were amazed that she and Justin shared such a bond. They asked her if she ever kissed him, and of course she
told them all no. But she doubted that they believed her. Dru didn't care though. She had bigger problems.
Much bigger
problems.
***********************
Dru was impressed. For the extraordinary amount of money that these girls paid to
sit in on Justin's soundcheck, he gave them quite a show. He sang a few songs, and then came down and took pictures with every
fan. She had to give it to the guy. For somebody as famous as he was, he seemed really down to earth when he delt with his
fans.
"Smile." Dru said, and took another picture. It was the last fan.
"Thanks Dru!" The girl exclamied, and
hurried to catch up with the rest of the group.
All in all it had been a good experience. Nobody had stolen Justin's
shoes...and all the girls had listened to what she had told them. No, the fans hadn't been the problem...
Her life
had been instead.
The soundcheck was over now. She hoped that Justin would have said something to her...anything...good
or bad...it didn't matter. But he hadn't. He was back up on the stage now, fooling around with the piano. Dru remember, he
had done the same thing back at the house when he had been annoyed with something...he had tuned out the world by sitting
at the piano.
Dru made her way up on stage. It felt different...exciting. She wondered what it must have been like
to perform for people up here. It was probably like nothing she could have ever imagined. She tapped her boyfriend on the
shoulder. He didn't respond. The melody continued to come out of the instrument. "Justin."
"Can't nobody love me like
you do..." he sang.
She sighed. "Justin!" She yelled.
The music stopped. After a moment, he turned around. "What
d'ya want?"
"Listen...I know you heard some stuff..." She began.
"You're an unappreciative bitch." he grumbled.
"Why don't you just leave now."
His words hit her like bullets. "Justin..." she whispered.
"Go ahead." He snapped.
"I don't care if you leave Dru."
"Why won't you just listen to me!" She yelled.
His eyes widened as she spoke.
Dru knew he was a little surprised. She never stood up for herself in a fight. But today was different. She had to explain
herself. There were tears in his eyes. No, he hadn't meant what he said. He never thought before he spoke.
"I...Dru...I
didn't mean that." He turned back around and began to play the piano again.
Dru had never heard the song he was playing
before. She liked it. Justin had slid over, wanting her to sit at the piano with him. She did. She sat in awe for several
moments, listening to him play. He was amazingly gifted. She wondered if music ran through his veins...
"I'm gonna
take you places...places you ain't never been..." he sang.
It was her song. She felt her face turning red.
He
stopped playing. "I ended up writing the song." He chuckled. "I'll have to play it one of these nights."
"Justin,"
she whispered. "What Christina said...I was going to tell you about it." She explained. "But I guess she didn't think so."
"So
it's true." He said, not taking his gaze away from the piano.
"I don't know what I'm going to do." She confessed.
"Why...why
would you want to leave now Dru? We've just gotten back on track." He looked at her.
"It's you that I want." He nodded.
"I love you."
She looked down at the shiny piano keys, and ran her hand across them. "I know you love me."
"Then
what's the matter?" He took her hand in his. "Do you wanna dance? Is that it? Because I'll put you onstage Dru. Whatever you
want...you can have it."
"It's not about the dancing Justin." She told him, looking into his sad blue eyes. "There's
more."
He let go of her hand. "What do you mean there's more?"
"Remember the night that I went to Christina's
party?"
He nodded.
"Well...remember how I told you about that guy...that I didn't know his name?"
"Yeah."
"He's
actually somebody I knew...a long time ago." She whispered.
His eyes widened. "Somebody from your past?"
"Yes."
She said. "His name is Danny. He's like family Justin. I thought I would never see him again. You understand don't you?"
"Why
didn't you tell me?" He asked her.
"I didn't know how to tell you." She sobbed. "I was confused."
"What's this
guy have to do with Christina?"
"He's one of her dancers."
Justin gawked at her. "Christina doesn't have any
dancers named Danny."
"He doesn't go by Danny." She said. "He goes by Taylor."
"Taylor." He stroked his chin
in thought. "Black guy...built. I know 'im. He's damn good."
Dru smiled. "So...you're not mad."
He shrugged.
"Not mad D. Just...I dunno...a little sad. I mean, I was mad at first...you know me." He chuckled sadly. "So you're gonna
go?"
"I...I don't know what to do." She mumbled. "I don't want to lose him Justin. I have so much history with him...he...took
care of me. But...I don't want to lose you either, and I know that if I leave I will."
He half smiled. "You should
do what's going to make you happy D." He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "And if going with Danny is going to
make you happy...then you should go."
"But what about us Justin?"
He shrugged and began to toy with the piano again.
"What about us."
"Don't you want us to be together?"
"This month." He confessed. "But who knows about next month."
She
was confused. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying it's tour time, and I don't know what I'm capable of." He said quickly.
"But
it doesn't matter what you do..." she began.
"Dru...listen to me all right? What I said...about how it's okay to see
other people...it was all a lie." He confessed.
"Huh?"
"It was a lie Dru." He whispered. "I've been doing alot
of thinking...about me...my life...about you, and what you've been through. I lied to you Dru...I lied to you so you would
be happy with me and I could still have sex." He shook his head. "I'm a bastard." He began to play again. "Cheating is wrong
Dru."
Her mouth hung open. She felt like vomiting. "How...Justin...how could you do this?"
He propped his elbows
atop the piano and buried his face in his hands. "Because I don't know how to love...I told you that Dru. I told you that
and for some damn reason you just didn't care." He looked at her. "So I figured if you didn't care...I didn't have to care."
She
stood up. She didn't know him. She never knew him. Cheating was wrong. Cheating was wrong and he had done it countless times
knowing that it was wrong. He didn't love her...and he never had. Tears ran down her face. "How could you do this?" It was
all she could think of to say.
He stood up and tried to touch her. She slunk away from him. "Dru...please don't hate
me."
"I slept with you." She seethed. "And you were supposed to love me!"
"Dru..."
She shoved him, hard.
"I hate you." She ran. She ran as fast as she could.
Her heart felt like it had just been ripped out of her chest.
No, she was never meant to be loved. It was apparent now.
|
