Chapter Thirty Two

I hate you...

Dru's voice was as clear as if she had spoken the words yesterday.

The tour was a huge success. So huge in fact, that they had to tack a few dates on to the end of the tour to please the crowds. Justin knew Justified had made him an international success, but his live show was making the media hype him up even more. He had made it. He was a member of the respected music community...one of his many goals had been accomplished. Normally, he would have been high on life, but he wasn't. No, he felt totally empty inside. Dru was gone.

He had lost her...and she hated him.

Aside from seeing her at the soundcheck every evening, he hadn't seen or spoken to Dru in almost three weeks. She made it a point to avoid him at all costs. He couldn't blame her. He had totally demolished every ounce of trust that she had for him. Actually, he wouldn't have been surprised if she never spoke to him again...

He didn't understand himself these days. He hadn't even been this heart broken over his breakup with Britney...and their relationship had lasted a lot longer than a few months. Dru was different. He had never been with somebody like her before. Somebody so honest...so innocent and pure. His heart ached for her.

Maybe he had loved her more than he had thought. It didn't matter now. It was too late now. Dru had wisened up...now she knew how much of a bastard he was. No, he couldn't fool her now...or ever again. What had he done? Why had he hurt Dru...why couldn't he have just kept his dick in his pants and put his stupid egotistical ways to the side? Why was it so hard for him to be a good guy? Why did he have to screw up every relationship that came his way?

Because he was a f *ck up. Always had been...always would be.

He was at her door. He almost laughed at himself. This was exactly what he had done when Britney had left him. He always ended up in front of her door. He knocked...

The door was thrust open. Marissa was in her pajamas, and didn't look too thrilled to be standing at the door at this moment. But of course she wouldn't be thrilled...it was, three in the morning after all. "Hi," he whispered, not meeting her gaze.

Marissa shook her head. "You're a mess." She mumbled.

He was. He hadn't slept in days. He couldn't. Dru was all he thought about...every second. He didn't reply, he simply nodded instead.

Marissa held her hand out to him. "C'mon Jus."

He let her lead him into the hotel room. Like a zombie, he staggered over to the bed. It felt good to lay down. He felt Marissa crawl into the bed a moment later. "Sorry."

"It's okay," she yawned. "I know you need me."

He wrapped himself around her. He needed to. He needed to embrace somebody...and there was no way it was going to be Trace. "I miss 'er Mar." He whispered. "I miss her so much."

"Oh Justin." Marissa sighed. "I told you this was going to happen."

He couldn't reply. He could hold his tears back no longer. He started to sob. The pain he felt was unbelievable. He never thought that he would have missed Dru this much.

He felt Marissa start to rub his back, in a soothing, motherly fashion. It wasn't making him feel better. He wanted Dru. He wanted to be with Dru. "I'm such a f *ck up Mar." He sobbed. "Why...why can't I just do something right for once?"

"You're just you Justin. This is how you are. Dru...she can't handle a guy like you." Marissa told him. "Just like you can't handle a girl like her. You're too different Justin. Everybody told you that from the start."

She was right. Justin had to accept the facts. "I don't think...I'll ever be able to fall in love 'ris. I think...I'm incapable of loving a woman...any woman." He sighed and sat up a little.

"I still love you Justin." Marissa whispered after a moment. "I'll always love you...no matter how much you screw up." She brushed the tears off of his face. "Just know that."

He looked at her. She cared. He reached out and touched her face. She was there...it wasn't a dream. "Can I stay the night?" He asked.

"Sure." She whispered. She reached out and turned off the light. "You'll be okay Justin. I know you will."

He stared out into the darkness of the room. The situation was too familiar. Him crying...Marissa talking to him...never leaving his side. She really did love him. She had always loved him. He had just been too blind to see. The girl sacrified herself for him...everyday. It was him, him, him...that was her life. The more he thought about it...the more he realized that she didn't really have much else. "Marissa..."

"Hmmm?"

"I'm sorry I never loved you back."

"Justin...go to sleep would you." she groaned.

"Mar...I never did though. I never took the time to see how much you loved me."

"Are you delirious Justin?"

He probably was. "I dunno."

The light came on again. Justin shielded his eyes.

"Justin don't you even think about gettin' with me. I'll throw your ass out." She snapped.

Justin understood why she was thinking this way. It was something he would have done...but at the moment, he hadn't been plotting any idea of that sort. "I wasn't trying to get with you." He whispered. "I was just saying...how stupid I was."

"How stupid you were?" She looked at him, her expression filled with annoyance and fatigue. She switched the light off again. "Go to bed Justin."

He listened this time.
************************
(June 24, Oklahoma City, OK)

It had been three weeks. It had been three weeks and Dru hadn't spoken a word to Justin outside of the soundchecks. She didn't travel with him either. She rode with Christina. It was awkward, but Dru knew that it was the best thing that she could do. Traveling with Justin would have only brought on more fights. She didn't want that...

They needed to be apart. But that didn't mean she had to like it.

"Do you think I should go blond?"

Dru looked up from her bowl of cereal. Christina was standing in front of a mirror, studying herself. "What?"

"Blond." She stated. "I used to be blond before I dyed it black."

"Oh." She looked back at her cereal. She didn't care what color Christina's hair was. She shoved the bowl away from her. She had lost her appetite...

She missed him.

She missed his smile. She missed the way he was able to explain things to her so that she could understand them. She missed his kisses and hugs. She missed the tone of his voice. She missed everything about him. But what he had done was so wrong, she didn't see how she could ever forgive him. Justin knew how sensitive she was when it came to relationships and sex...but yet he had deceived her anyway. He had made her feel like countless others had. He didn't deserve the time of day from her.

But she wanted to give it to him.

"Girl would you cheer up!" Christina exclaimed. "Justin is just another guy...there's plenty more of them out there. Forget him girl." She turned back to the mirror. "I think I'll stick to black." She told herself.

Dru glanced at her friend. Christina was a great friend, and she loved her, but Christina didn't understand the bond that she and Justin shared. She wasn't there when Justin had taken her in. She wasn't there when Justin had given her food, family, and a place to live. No, she only saw the current situation. Dru couldn't blame her, but at the same time wished that she would leave her alone about it. Christina didn't know the real Justin...as much as she liked to think she did. "I'm fine." She muttered.

"I know." Christina said, her eyes full of excitment. "We'll go to the club tonight. There's no show until tomorrow night!" She squealed. "I'll hook you up...you'll see. By the end of the night, you'll have forgotten all about Justin's cheatin' ass."

Dru sucked in a breath. She needed to get away from Christina, before she ended up blowing up in the girls face. "I'm...I'm gonna go for a little walk." She got up from the table.

"You want me to come? I'll call Bobby...hang..."

Dru cut her off. "No...I think I need to be alone." She told her.

Christina frowned. "Oh. Well...okay then."

Normally, Dru would have felt bad about pushing Christina away. Christina was practically her best friend now, aside from Danny. But she didn't care at the moment. This was her moment...and she was going to use it for herself. She left the hotel room, without another word.

She found herself running again. She found running seemed to drive all her agressions away. This Oklahoma place...it was good for running too. It wasn't as built up as most cities were...it was peaceful. She liked it here. She found a bench and sat. Her heart pounded. She hadn't realized how fast she had been running up until now. She sighed. Now she was tired.

"Damn Dru. You run fast."

She looked over her shoulder. Danny. Danny was always there. "Did you follow me?" She smiled.

"I saw you run out of the hotel. I was coming back from the gym...they have an awesome gym here." He said tiredly. He planted himself on the bench. "But you just gave me an extra workout."

She let out a small laugh. "Sorry."

Danny shrugged. "It's fine. My lazy butt needs some extra work." He smiled. "Whatcha up to?"

"I needed some air." She sighed.

" 'tina on your case?" He said, with a knowing smile. "She wants you to get yourself a new man huh?"

She laughed. "How'd you guess?"

He studied her for a moment. "You miss 'im."

She nodded.

Danny draped his arm over her shoulder. "It's gonna be okay."

"No it's not." She whispered. "This isn't how I wanted things to turn out with me and him."

"It's his fault Dru." Danny nodded. "Don't be blaming yourself now. You're not the one who cheated on him."

"I know I shouldn't feel bad or whatever." She told him. "But I just...miss him Danny. He did so much for me...he saved me. You understand...I know you understand."

"Yes." He got out. "But that doesn't mean what he did was right. Dru, he treated you like a possession. Like some little toy...he was wrong. Totally wrong."

She looked into his eyes. "If it wasn't for him, I never would have found you."

Danny bit his lip. "Maybe you would have..."

"No." She stated. "No I wouldn't have."

He nodded. "I know." He whispered.

She felt a tear make it's way down her face. "I miss him Danny."

"Don't cry." He whispered, wiping the tear off of her cheek. "Please Dru."

She sniffled. "I don't know how I'm supposed to make it through this tour without talking to him Danny. It's going to drive me nuts." She leaned her head on his shoulder. "Hell, it's already driving me nuts...and it's only been a couple of weeks."

He sighed. "So I'll talk to him then."

Dru looked at him. "You would do that?"

"I'll do it because you're important to me and I want to see you happy." He smiled. "But I never said I was going to like it. That guy thinks too highly of himself. Hell...he's not so hot. He's got chicken legs...and that a$$...it's puny...pure and simple. I've seen...and dated much better."

Dru laughed. She loved that Danny was so confident in who he was...she wanted to be like that...she wanted to love herself. "You'll really talk to him Danny?"

"I will." He nodded. "I promise."

She hugged him. "I love you."

"Come on." He said, pulling her to her feet. "I saw this great little ice cream store down the block."

She gawked at him. Danny never ate junk food. "But you hate ice cream."

"They have tofu ice cream." He smiled.

"Gross!"
*******************
Justin was thankful that Marissa had made him go to sleep the night before. Today had been a long, busy day. He had been to three different radio stations and had spent a significant amount of time at each one. He had barely been able to finish his lunch, before he was rushed to the venue for soundcheck. It had gone as expected. Him playing Mr. Wonderful for the fans...Dru pretending to like him. It was all in a days work. The fans had left almost a half hour ago, and Dru had left with them. Christina had been due for her soundcheck twenty minutes ago...

But of course, as always...she was late.

He was alone in the arena. Justin loved moments like this. He always had. When he had been touring with the group, and the guys had wandered off backstage to goof off, he had always lingered behind, relishing the precious moments in solitude before showtime. He could be himself here. It was him and the piano...and the piano could take him away. It could take him to a world where he could go out...hang out with his friends...and not have to put up with cameras and fans and slutty girls who wanted nothing more than to sleep with him.

The piano was here now. Justin took advantage of the traquility of the large arena, and sat down at the piano bench. He began to play. The music made him forget that he was upset. It made him forget about everything. It was just him now. Him and the piano...

"Justin?"

He groaned. Now what? Now what did he have to do? Sign a damn picture? Answer a stupid interviewers questions?...He looked, and his eyes widened. No, it wasn't a fan...it wasn't a reporter...it wasn't even somebody that worked for him...No...

It was Danny. "Hey man." He said, focusing his gaze back on the piano. He figured it was just a casual hello...that he had beat Christina to her own soundcheck.

"Hey Justin. Uh...can I talk to you for a sec?"

Justin looked back at him. Talk? Why? "Um...I guess." He didn't move from the piano.

"You gonna come down then?"

Justin shot him an annoyed glance. "No."

Danny rolled his eyes. "Why you gotta make this hard? I just need a few minutes. I'm sure you can afford that...seeing as how this isn't even your stage time."

"Your boss is late." Justin grumbled. "And until she gets here...it's anybodys time."

"Fine." Danny snapped. He walked to the other end of the stage and took the stairs that led onto it. "Then I guess I'll just come to you." He said as he reached the piano Justin was seated at.

"What do you want?" Justin asked.

"I need to talk to you about Dru."

Justin turned his back to him and began to play again. "Well...I don't want to talk about her." He grumbled.

After a moment, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He shot up from the bench and pushed Danny away from him. "Leave me alone!"

"I'm not gonna leave you alone." Danny grumbled. "Dru's miserable, and it's your fault."

"You don't know sh *t about it!" Justin hollered. "You think because you came waltzing back into her life that you know everything about our relationship...well you don't all right...so just lay off! You got what you wanted...she's going to east bumblefuck with you and Christina. So just go...get on with your lives. I'm glad I could help out."

Danny began to shake his head slowly. "Do you hear yourself?"

"F *ck off." He sat down at the piano again.

"I know I haven't been around...but I know what her life has been like. Do you have any idea Justin? Do you have any idea the hell her life has been?"

"Of course I do." He grumbled. "She told me."

"Oh okay," he smirked. "So I guess she told you how she watched her mother burn to death when she was ten right?"
He cocked his head to the side. He didn't understand.

"Or how those bastards in that sex house locked her in a cage at night. You knew that too right?"

No...he didn't know. He wouldn't look at him.

"Because I know." Danny continued. "I know...because I was there...I got to watch it all happening to her Justin. So before you go actin' like I don't know her at all...you should really look into the situation more. I want Dru to come with me because...she's like family. Not because it's what I want. I already told her that if she doesn't want to go, she doesn't have to...it's her choice Justin. She's a person. She has a life...remember?"
His face was burning. What had he done? "I...look man..."

"Don't tell me." Danny whispered. "Tell Dru."

Justin watched him walk away, almost glad that Danny had confronted him. Justin knew that if he hadn't, he wouldn't have been able to see how much Danny meant to Dru...and how important it was that she was able to be with him. Danny could give Dru something that he couldn't...no matter how much money he had or how famous he was.

Yes, he knew what he had to do now. And he would do it because he loved her.