I make friends easily. I always have. And when that friend gets to know me really well, and I feel that I can trust them…that’s when I tell them about him. And most of the time, I wish I could have kept my mouth shut. After I tell them…they treat me differently…like they owe me something. Well most of the time anyway. I have a few friends that could care less who I know or what I’ve done in my lifetime…they’re the ones who I consider my true friends. Everybody else is simply an acquaintance, people I wouldn‘t call on for a favor if my life depended on it.

“Damn, there’s a whole plane here and my mom got me a seat next to you?”

I glance at him quickly, and roll my eyes before I turn my gaze back out the window again. I feel him annoyingly plop down in the seat beside me, and then I hear him turn his walkman on…the music blaring much too loudly from his headphones. Why bother having a walkman at all?

“Kerri…do you know what movie they’re showin?”

I don’t answer him, but he expects that. Justin and I haven’t spoken in three years…because he decided his ‘priorities’ were more important than his supposed best friend. Well I’m sorry Justin…just because I’m not some glamorous superstar like the rest of your friends doesn’t mean you can treat me like I’m less of a person.

God, I hate this.

“Kerri?”

“What?,” I grumble.

“Do you know what movie--”

“No!” I snap at him. “Ask somebody who gives a damn.”

He smiles sarcastically and shakes his head. “Damn girl, I know it’s been awhile since we talked and all but…”

“It’s been three years, Justin,” I remind him. “Look…I don’t need to hear your excuses or whatever else…I just want to get through this flight…this weekend, and get back to my life. I’m sure you want to do the same.”

He chuckles. “I guess I do now. Why do you always have to be so negative Kerri?”

“How would you know if I’m always negative? You haven‘t been around in three damn years.” I don’t know why I’m bothering to answer him. If anything, our conversation is only going to piss me off more, and I really don’t want to be in a pissed off mood for my parent’s anniversary. Me being away nine months out of the year is hard enough on them as it is…I want to be in good spirits.

But Justin isn’t going to help the situation.

“Oh so that’s what this is about?” he snaps at me. “You know Kerri…it works both ways. You didn’t call me either.”

“I tried to call,” I inform him. “And the one time somebody actually picked up the phone…it was some bitch, who wanted to know ‘who the hell I was’ and ‘how I got the number’. I didn’t have time for that…so I just stopped calling.”

His shoulders sag and he sinks lower in his seat. “Look…we’re both at fault--”

“No,” I interrupt him. “I didn’t do anything. It was your stupid ego that broke up our friendship.”

“Oh okay,” he says sarcastically. “That’s fine.” He slips his headphones over his ears and closes his eyes.

I allow my eyes to linger on him for several moments. Now, with his eyes closed he doesn’t seem so bad. He looks like the same guy I knew three years ago. That guy who used to call me at three am from Germany because he was so confused about what his life was turning into. Most people think Justin was born to do what he does, and he was in a sense. I mean he really has a lot of natural talent. But the rest of it…the promotional side to being famous…Justin isn’t about that. I mean I’m sure he doesn’t mind all these girls wanting a piece of him…but at the same time Justin is a private person. He always has been. That’s why he used to call me way back when…because he didn’t know who he could trust.

But I know that Justin isn’t like that anymore.

The flight attendant announces that the seat belt prompt has been turned on and that we are going to be taking off in a moment. This is the only reason I tear my gaze from Justin. I’m so mad at myself right now. I hate him…I know I hate him. I don’t want this weekend to make me think that he’s changed or…that we can be friends again. Because I know we can’t. I have too much going on right now…and I can’t be sitting up at night, crying because he didn’t call. I can’t go through that again.

But somewhere…deep inside of me, I know there’s that part of me that still loves him.

The flight continues without incident. I watch the crappy ass movie, and Justin sleeps the whole time. I find myself in baggage claim before I know it, with a bleary eyed Justin lagging behind me. He seems so tired, and I wonder why. Doesn’t he get enough sleep? Well…he did just finished touring.

I don’t care.

Our limo is ready and waiting for us outside of the terminal, and we pile our bags in front of the car and let the driver do the rest of the work. Soon we are on our way home. I’ve never been so happy to sit in a car before. I hate planes. They’re so uncomfortable, I can’t get to sleep.

“You sleep?”

I look over at him for the first time since we left the airport. “No. I can’t sleep on planes.”

“Oh,” he nods. “Too bad we weren’t going to England. They have those chairs that turn into beds.”

“Mmm,” I grunt. I shut my eyes, hoping I can get an hour of sleep in before we arrive in Millington. But Justin…he keeps talking. He’s always been like this. When we were little we would sleep at each others houses, and he would keep me up all night talking about the stupidest shit.

“Kerri…did you see those pictures?”

I hate him. “What?”

“There was an awesome meteor shower two weeks ago…they took pictures. Did you see?”

How can he bring this up right now? How…how did he even remember that? “You care?” I say to him.

He narrows his blue eyes at me. “I love that stuff. Come on Kerri…I’m not like…this new person. I still like the same things, I still do the same things I used to do before you stopped talking to me.”

“I didn’t stop talking to you,” I snap. “You stopped calling.”

“Well whatever. Anyway, you didn’t answer my question.”

I roll my eyes. “I saw them,” I admit, reluctantly. “I did a paper on it, actually.”

“It was really awesome this time. I went up on my roof and watched it,” he tells me. “I wish you could have been there.”

“That’s such bullshit Justin, and you know it,” I laugh. “I probably didn’t cross your mind until you saw me on the plane this morning.”

“How do you know what I have and haven’t thought about?” he asks me angrily. “You know Kerri, I’m tired of getting the third degree from you.”

“Just drop it,” I tell him. I close my eyes again and turn away from him.

“Just drop it,” he mocks. “You’re a little bitch Kerri.”

Now I remember why I hate him. I sit up and look over at him again. “And you’re a fucking asshole,” I inform him. I think I said it too loud because now the limo driver is glancing back at us through the rearview mirror. I smile at him, just to spite him, and he looks away from us again.

“I’ve been called worse,” he tells me. Then he proceeds to tune me out with his walkman, and I’m glad because I really don’t want to start a screaming match with him when we’re so close to home. I think Justin is thinking the same thing too. He doesn’t get to see his whole family that often, and when he does he likes to be in a good mood. I think the boys are going to be there too…yeah…I’m sure he doesn’t want to be in a bad mood for them.

My phone starts to ring, and for once I’m thankful. Usually I hate talking on the phone…I get bored with conversations very easily unless you are right in front of me. But Justin has made me so uncomfortable, I’m ready to try anything to get the feeling to go away. “Hello?”

“Hey girl. Is Justin with you? He’s not answering his phone.”

Trace hasn’t called my phone in over two weeks. I was beginning to think he didn’t care either, and hell, maybe he doesn’t. I mean after all, he is asking for Justin. “He’s with me,” I reply glumly. “Nice to hear from you too.”

“Hey…I’m sorry Kerri,” he laughs. “I guess I’ve been kind of a jerk…not calling you for all this time. The damn tour has kept me so busy though, it’s been hard for me to even call my girlfriend. You know how J’s schedule is.”

I know how his schedule is…but Trace has never been one to not call to keep me posted. He’s always been good like that. Throughout the three year gap in my friendship with Justin, Trace has always called to tell me how he’s been…what he’s been doing, and what’s been happening with his career. I would always act like I didn’t care, but I know Trace knew better…because he wouldn’t stop giving me information. When Trace stopped calling me two weeks ago, I started to get scared. He’d never done anything like that with me before. I’ve already lost Justin completely…I don’t want to lose Trace too. I‘m really hurt too, because he’s supposed to care. He’s supposed to be the one that I can call when I’m going absolutely insane. I don’t have a lot of people that know me as well as Trace does, and I don’t really express my feelings to a lot of people. I think the only person that knows me as well as Trace does is Justin…

And Justin doesn’t care about me anymore.

“I know…you don’t have to tell me,” he speaks up before I can answer. “It’s not an excuse. But hell…it’s the truth. You know I wouldn’t stop calling you on purpose.”

“Right,” I mutter. “That’s Justin’s job.” I feel bad giving him an attitude. I know Trace would have called me if he had time to. But between listening to Justin gripe about his personal life, and Elisha taking up his free moments, I guess I should understand why he hasn’t called me. I guess it will be okay, because I know I have the whole weekend to hang out with Trace. We’ll hang out, and take Mary to the zoo on Sunday. We’ll walk around, and I’ll vent about everything that’s been on my mind for the past two weeks. Trace won’t complain either…because he knows that I don’t spill my guts to just anybody. He takes pride in that too…and that’s why he and I are still very good friends, despite my falling out with Justin.

“Oh god,” he groans. “Don’t tell me….you’ve been fighting this whole time?”

“So what if we have?”

“You realize that your mom and Lynn planned your little carpool so you could reunite don’t you?” he points out.

I roll my eyes. “I’m not stupid Trace.”

“I never said that. All I’m saying is that everybody is expecting you two to put the bad shit behind you and be friends again. I mean, come on Kerri…it was three years ago.”

Trace is the only person that knows what went down between Justin and I…well, as far as I know anyway. I have no idea if Justin has told anybody, and I really don’t care. Trace has a right to know though. I mean he’s like a brother to Justin…and the three of us have been friends our entire lives. At the time that it all happened, I also knew if I didn’t talk to Trace about it…Justin would tell him anyway. Then he would have been mad that I kept what happened from him. I didn’t want that…I didn’t want both of them being mad at me…so I talked to him. I’m glad I did too…because Trace is great to talk to when you have a problem. He’s the type that listens to you, and doesn’t interrupt. That was the kind of person I needed to talk to then. “It’s not my fault that he’s an asshole,” I grumble.

“But he’s not,” Trace laughs. “He’s the same guy you were in love with three years ago, Kerri. You guys just got weirded out from all that…stuff that went on.”

“I was never in love with him,” I protest. I wasn’t. It was just a stupid little thing that lasted for a couple of weeks. I thought I liked him. I thought he liked me. But then…I was so totally wrong. He proved that to me…after it happened.

“Okay okay,” he says. “Look…I gotta go pick up the pizzas for everybody. You need to try to lighten up. Nobody wants you two in a mood…you know that don’t you?”

I sigh. “Yes Trace…I’ll try to be accommodating.”

“Great. Hey…do you like pineapples on your pizza?”

I scrunch up my nose. “That’s gross. You better not put that shit on my pizza.”

“If you’re not careful I just might,” he threatens. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Oh, I can’t wait,” I say sarcastically.

“I know,” he snickers. “Bye.”

I hear him hang up, and let out a long sigh. This is going to be one long weekend.

***************

“KerriKerriKerriKerri!!” My four year old sister Mary, throws her arms around my legs the moment I open the door, and I can’t help but smile. I pick her up and swing her around in my arms a few times, not being able to help but be a little sad. She’s grown so much since the last time I saw her. I feel like I’m missing huge portions of her life the more I’m away at school. But I know it can’t be helped. I wanted to go to school in New York, so I guess it’s my fault that I’m missing out on everything.

“Hey you,” I smile, and peck her on the forehead. “You got so big.”

She leans her head on my shoulder and toys with the necklace that I’m wearing. “I miss you,” she sighs.

“I miss you too,” I whisper. “But…I brought you a present. How does that sound?”

She shrugs her little shoulders. “Don’t want present. Want you.”

“Well I’m here,” I reassure her. “You don’t need to be sad anymore.”

“Kerri…is that you?” I hear my mothers voice echoing from somewhere in the house and I smile. I feel like its been ages since I’ve stood in this house, Mary in my arms…waiting for my mother to greet me at the doorway. I guess it has been a long time. I left for school two months early this semester to get some intern work in. I’m a communications major, and I really want to do radio. With Trace’s ‘connections’, I got the opportunity to intern at Z100, which is like the most popular radio station in New York. I didn’t want to leave Mary behind so early of course…but I didn’t want to pass up a great opportunity either. I’m glad I didn’t. I had a lot of fun interning there.

“Yeah mom!” I call back. I set Mary down, and she runs back to her cartoons. I hate to see that she’s becoming attached to the television…but that’s the age she’s at right now. My mother isn’t’ one to let the television baby-sit the children…but she’s not one to keep rules about how often her children watch it either. My father was always the one to turn the television off when he felt I was getting too much of it…I think I’m more like him.

“Kerri!” My mother appears in front of me a few moments later. She immediately rushes over to me and throws her arms around me in a warm embrace. “Oh…it’s so good to see you again!”

“Hi mom.” I’m not as enthusiastic as she is either. I know where Mary gets it from though…and I’m sure she’s going to grow up and be just as loud and outspoken as my mother is. I guess that’s good. She probably won’t have too much trouble fitting in…and when you’re a kid there is nothing worse than not being able to fit in. “How are you?”

“Oh I’m fine,” she smiles, finally detaching herself from me. “I’ve had my hands full all day though. This anniversary party is going to be something else,” she laughs.

“I’m sure it’s going to be great,” I smile. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Oh no,” she says. “You’ve had a long flight. Why don’t you get settled and I’ll make you something to eat?”

I sigh. “Mom…I want to help. This is your anniversary party--”

“And you’ve done enough by being here,” she says. “Now go…sit down and relax.”

I don’t try to put up a fight, because I know she’s not going to let me help her no matter what I say…so I give in and head toward the staircase leading up to my bedroom. Then I hear it…his voice. Why is he here? I thought he was going home. I don’t want to deal with him.

“Hi Mrs. Donovan.” He smiles his boyish ‘I’m such a charmer’ smile, and approaches her.

I can’t stand him.

“Justin!” My mother greets him the same way she greeted me. At times, I think she wishes Justin were her son too. In fact…I don’t even think she wishes it anymore…I think she has pretty much adopted him. He and I were so inseparable when we were younger though, I can’t say I blame her. I begin to wonder when I’ll be seeing his mother and the rest of his family. I have to admit, I’m a little nervous to see Lynn again. I don’t know if she has an ‘opinion’ about me now that Justin and I aren’t close anymore. I know that Justin has a big influence over her…he always has. And I know he can make her think anything he wants.

“It’s great to see you.” He pulls away from her finally, and steals a glance at me. He smiles a little, but I don’t return the offer. Then he frowns, and I’m proud of myself. That’s right Justin. You can’t win me over…not anymore anyway.

“Who wants pizza!”

I turn to find Trace standing behind me. He’s such a dumb ass, but I smile anyway and practically run across the room to greet him. He hugs me, and I let him hold me for a few minutes. He knows I need this. He knows how hard the flight and the car ride were for me. I need a friend right now. A friend that knows me inside and out.

“Hey you,” he whispers. “You okay?”

I nod. “Now I am.”

“Oh girl…why couldn’t you have acted like this a year ago? We could have had something,” he laughs.

“Yeah right,” I chuckle. “I wouldn’t date your skuzzy ass.”

“Hey,” he pouts. “Elisha happens to think my ass is far from skuzzy.”

I smile. “You got lucky with her.”

“Trace.” I hear Justin’s voice interrupt our playful conversation, and I pull away from Trace. I turn slightly, and see him standing there. He doesn’t make eye contact with me though. I’m thankful.

“Hey man.” Trace steps forward and performs their routine ‘homeboy’ handshake. “I got the pizza.”

“Cool,” he nods. He glances at me again, before moving past us. “I’ll be at mom’s.”

“Alright,” Trace responds, watching him walk out the door. He looks back at me after a moment. “That bad huh?”

“Of course,” I mutter. “Why would you think any different?”

He shoots me a knowing smile. “You started it didn’t you?”

“Trace!” I whine. “What the hell?”

“You did,” he says, pointing his finger at me. “You were a bitch to him from the moment he sat down on the plane, weren’t you?”

“I had no reason to be nice to him,” I defend, stupidly. “You don’t just…fuck somebody over like Justin fucked me over.”

“He didn’t fuck you over. You both fucked yourselves alright?,” he tells me. “I wish you two would drop it…it’s getting old. I’m tired of hearing ‘oh Trace…what did I do to drive her away…”

“Wait,” I interrupt. “He said that?”

He sucks in a breath, and smiles a little. “Shit…I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut.”

“It’s too late,” I say quickly.

“The pizza is getting cold,” he informs me. “I just came by to say hey to you…I gotta go.”

I grab onto his arm. “You better not,” I warn. “You need to fill me in.”

He pulls away from me. “You hate him though…remember?” He slides himself past me and out the door. “I’ll see you a little later, Kerri.”

“Trace!”

But he’s gone already.

Damn him. Damn him for being such…a friend.