I look cute tonight. I mean, not that I don’t normally look cute. But tonight…tonight I look extra cute. Justin said he would come to the party. So, I’m standing here by the door, anticipating him bursting through it. He’ll be wearing some jeans and one of those random t-shirts of his with the weird sayings. He’ll look sexy despite his casualness, and I will melt upon seeing him. We’ll dance some. We’ll drink some…

And if everything goes well, we might fuck some too.

The other night he called to tell me he was coming to the party. I was thrilled of course, and told him that he was officially not an asswipe. We were on the phone for a good hour after that talking about all sorts of random things. Like, what our favorite barnyard animals are, which WWF wrestler is the “best”. I was surprised. Justin is the only other person I know that agrees: wrestling is awesome. We made plans to get together and watch “Raw”, the next time it’s on. He’ll make popcorn, put his arm around me and yell “Oh man!” when the Rock slams some guy into the ropes.

I can’t wait.

Justin was supposed to be here thirty minutes ago. But in guy time, that means he won’t be here for at least another forty minutes or so. It’s okay though, there’s hardly anybody here yet anyway and I’ve only had one beer. I bet he’s just taking his time finding that perfect t-shirt, spraying just the right amount of cologne on himself. I wonder if he’s as excited to see me as I am to see him. He was pretty excited about the party on the phone. So I’m guessing that’s a good thing.

The doorbell rings, and I jump to answer it. It’s Justin! I know it. I swing the door open, with a sexy little smirk on my face.

“Hey girl.”

My smile fades. It’s Mark and Mere. I mean, I’m happy to see them and all, but I really, really want to see Justin. “Oh…hi.”

Mark rolls his eyes at me. “Great greeting Court. I hope you haven’t been like this all night.”

I would make a strong comeback, but I’m distracted. Mere. She looks like hell. I mean, she doesn’t dress up when she goes to parties, and I wasn’t expecting her to make an extra effort tonight or anything. But the girl is dressed in a sweatshirt and jeans for Christ’s sake! Something’s up. I really wished she could have picked a better night to be miserable. “Hey Mere.”

She looks at me. She doesn’t smile. “Hi.”

“So what?” I smirk. “You guys didn’t bring any party favors for us?”

“Hey,” Mark chimes in. “After what you put us through at the bar the other night, you owe us.”

I have to smile. He’s right. But sleeping with that man was worth losing out on some extra booze. “Fine fine,” I chuckle. “I’ll let you slide, this time.” I watch Meredith wander away from us. She goes over to the sofa and sits down. I haven’t seen her this distant since Chad. “What’s up with Mere?” I ask Mark.

He sighs and shakes his head. “You know Mere.”

I look over at her. I’m about to go over there and yank her misery out of her. But before I do, Mark clears his throat loudly. “Umm,” I chuckle. “You okay there?”

“Where ya hiding the keg?” he asks.

“Oh,” I nod. “C’mon, I’ll show ya.” I look back to Mere. “You want a beer, Mere?” I yell out.

She nods, barely taking the time to look at me.

“I guess that’s a yes,” Mark giggles.

I lead Mark into the kitchen and make him a mug full, before filling two glasses for myself and Mere. I hand him the glass, and he immediately slurps the foam off of the rim.

“You look nice,” he says.

I nearly drop the glasses in my hands. What? I look nice? Mark never thinks anybody looks nice. Mark's about as asexual as they come. In fact if I wasn’t a witness to his relationship with Mere in high school, I'd think he was gay or…something. I mean, he didn’t even tell Mere that she looked nice on prom night! I wonder, did Mark smoke up before he came here tonight? “Um, thanks.” I shoot him another awkward glance before walking out of the kitchen, and back out into the living room. Mere of course, is still on the couch. She still has the same miserable look on her face too. I take a seat beside her, and hand her a beer. “Hey sour puss. What’s going on with you?”

She takes the beer from me. “Nothing.”

“Mere, please don’t try to bullshit with me now. We’re at a party. Parties are supposed to be fun. What was so bad that made you come here like this?”

She eventually gives in and looks at me again. “Well,” she begins. “Ch--”

Her speech is cut short, by the sound of the door bell bing-bonging. I shoot up from the sofa, eager to open the door. I want to see him. I have to see him. I race over to the door and swing it open eagerly. Ooh. Swoon. It’s him. “Hi,” I say, flashing him my sexiest smile.

“Hey you,” he smiles, stepping inside. He pecks me on the cheek. “Betcha thought I was gonna blow you off, huh?”

“Well,” I say, trying to look mad. “You are an asswipe.”

“Girl,” he laughs handing me the six pack of beer he brought with him. “You’re not gonna stop with that are you?”

“Never,” I whisper. Our eyes meet, and it’s like magic. Sparks would fly if our lips touched.

“C’mon,” he says, taking me by my free hand. “Introduce me around.”

I let him lead me away in a daze. This is perfect, so perfect that it doesn’t seem real. I’ve never been with a guy like him, a guy that seems genuinely interested in me and not just sex. I’ve never been with a guy, who has stopped everything in the middle of a department store and kissed me for the sheer hell of it. I’ll admit I was a little bit shocked at first. But after it had happened and I had time to think about it more, I realized that what had happened was a great thing. Believe me, I know from experience…a guy doesn’t kiss a girl in public like that unless he likes her.

“So YOU’RE the guy!”

Courtney’s co-workers are exactly like her. It’s been two hours, and I’ve met them all. They’re all really nice, really pretty, and really, really bubbly. I guess it comes with the territory, though. Bridal consultants are perky people. I guess you have to be. I really think I'm gonna like it here in Bodine. I keep meeting all these really friendly people. It's a small town, so it has that charm, but it's big enough so it's not so...well, not everyone's in your business. The only problem with tonight has been the fact that we've been out here talking with everybody for two hours. And that's great. I love meeting new people, and I love hanging out with Court but, I really, really would like to be alone with her for just a little while. Hell, I don’t care what we do. I just want to be alone with her.

“Francine handles all of my catering,” Courtney tells me with a smile.

“You were right about him Courtney,” Francine blurts out. I feel myself blush.

“She also has a big mouth,” Courtney grumbles.

“Nah,” I smile. “She just knows a good guy when she sees one.”

“Ugh, now look what you did Francine!” Courtney whines. “Now you have him thinking he’s Mr. High and Mighty.”

I kiss her neck, and I can feel her go weak at the knees. “But I don’t have to think that way. I already know I am.”

“Lord,” Francine says. “Get a room.” She grabs her beer, and rises from the sofa. “Nice meeting you though.”

“Likewise,” I nod. She departs.

She’s gone. I look at Courtney. She sipping her beer and doing that lip/tongue thing again. Oh shit. “Can we go somewhere?” I whisper in her ear.

She glances at me. “You think you’re gonna get lucky again, asswipe?”

I brush a strand of hair out of her face. “I just want to kiss you. Is that so bad?”

“Oh please,” she rolls her eyes. “Like I haven’t heard that one a million times before.”

I kiss her neck again, right below her ear this time. I smile when I hear her moan.

“Come on,” she says quietly.

Yes. Oh…yes.

She pulls me along by the hand, and leads me up the stairs. I love the way she’s taken charge. Ooh, I love the way her ass looks in those pants. Once we are upstairs, it takes us almost no time at all to find an empty bedroom. Before I know it, I’m inside. I hear the door close. I look over my shoulder. She’s standing there, leaning against the door, a sexy smirk resting on her face.

I know what she wants.

I honestly didn’t come here tonight to get laid, as unbelievable as it sounds. I really came here to get to know Court more. I’m into her. She’s different. I’ve never dated anybody like her before. Like she’s not afraid to say things, or do things. She’s independent. I really like that quality in a girl. It’s sexy.

“Justin,” she coos.

No, I didn’t come here tonight for sex. Tonight was supposed to be casual, a “getting to know you” kinda thing.

But now, it’s starting to turn into much more.

She walks over to me and puts her arms around my neck. It feels good. She feels good. Shit, she feels good. She's kissing me. She knows how to kiss. She knows exactly what to do to turn me on. She pulls away with smile. "So Justin…"

I smile back, "So Courtney…"

She nods over to the bed. I look around. The room’s stiff. It looks like a guest room. "What'd ya say we get to it?" She winks at me with a giddy smile.

I laugh and lean down to give her a quick kiss. "What'd ya say you let me pee first?"

She giggles and pulls away from me, moving so she can flop no the bed. She props herself up against the pillows and stares at me. Man, I want her. She rolls her eyes, "You gonna go or not?”

I smile at her and turn to walk out of the room. The quicker, the better. I'm gonna make that girl feel good tonight. To hell with my intentions! It’s not every day I get such a great girl that's rather willing to let me sleep with her. “Don’t move.”

“Oh,” she smiles. “I won’t.”

Shit.

The walk to the bathroom seems miles long. And to make matters worse, when I finally reach the bathroom, I find that it is already occupied. I sigh. Lord, you know whoever is in there needs to come out. I’m horny now and Courtney’s been horny for the past hour. I knock. “Hey,” I say. I hope nobody is throwing up in there….

I hear somebody fumbling around in the bathroom. A cough and a toilet flush later, the door swings open.

Oh lord. Damned deer eyes. They’re swollen and puffy, though. Obviously she’s been crying. Damn it. I want to hate her. I want to push past her and slam that door in her face. She deserves it after what she did to me. I sigh. I know I can’t. The better part of me won’t allow it. “Hey,” I say softly.

For a moment, she doesn’t say anything. She just stares at me with those eyes of hers. “Hello,” she says after awhile.

"You ok?" I ask. I don’t know why. Maybe I feel I should. Anyone that looks that bad should be asked that.

She nods slightly and turns her eyes down to the floor. Shit, she looks really bad. I almost wonder if something is wrong with her, like mentally or something. She's so up and down. Maybe I should ask Courtney. Maybe I should just drop it. It's probably not worth my time. But when she brushes past me, I can’t help myself. I hear her suck in a shaky breath. Something's really wrong.

I grab the sleeve of her sweatshirt as she passes and stare into those eyes. I've seen girls messed up like this before. And there's only one thing that can make a woman look that lost. I wonder who the bastard is. "Mere..." I whisper. I didn’t mean to, it just came out that way. Her bottom lip is trembling. Shit, don’t cry. "What's wrong?"

"I..." She starts off. I know Courtney's waiting. I know she's lying on that bed. Hell, maybe she’s naked. But I'm almost hoping Meredith will say something. I didn’t see her much tonight, and honestly I didn’t go around looking for her. Avoiding her was, almost a priority, and it wasn’t that hard. But the few times I saw her, well, for some reason, I felt really bad. She'd go outside and sit on the porch alone. I almost wanted to go push Mark out there with her. But well, I wasn’t about to leave Courtney. Shit, I need to get back to her.

"Nothing." I see her force a smile. Her eyes look down at my feet. "But thanks." She walks away.

“Meredith,” I call out to her. She doesn’t look back, though. In a moment, I see her disappear around the corner. I won’t be seeing her again tonight. Man, I feel really really bad. And there’s this part of me that’s telling me I’m partially to blame for all of this. Suddenly, I’m not so horny anymore.

Damn.

I shuffle down the hallway and back to the room. I open the door. Courtney is sprawled across the bed just in her undies, flipping through some random magazine. If the situation was different, I would have already ripped that magazine out of her hand and been on top of her. But…I just can’t.

She looks at me. “Hey. You okay?”

I nod, and sit down on the bed. “Look Court. I…can we just talk?”

She tosses the magazine on the floor. “Don’t tell me,” she mutters. “You ran into Mark in the hallway, and he had one of his talks about “doing the right thing” with you.”

“Geez Court. You know, we don’t have to have sex every time we‘re together,” I say. My eyes widen. I can’t believe something like that just came out of my mouth.

"Whoa..." She stares at me. She looks a little shocked. Shit, I hope she’s not mad. "Well, what would you rather do?"

It’s occurred to me that Courtney knows nothing about hanging out with a guy she likes. I’m sure she’s had this crazy past of fucking countless men and never seeing them again. If Mere was here right now, I think I would thank her for getting me out of the mood. I think Courtney needs to have a night like this. No sex, just talk. “Talk about…eggs.”

“Eggs?”

“Yeah, you know,” I smile, moving closer to her. “Do you like ‘em poached, scrambled, over easy?”

“You’re scaring me,” she smiles.

"Look, you know how much I adore goats, so I don’t think this should be that frightening,” I tell her.

“I like deviled eggs,” she says after a moment. “The really spicy ones.”

“Those make me fart,” I admit with a frown.

“Omigod,” she rolls over and buries her face in the pillows. She’s laughing, laughing so hard that her whole body is shaking.

“Don’t laugh at me!“ I grab one of the pillows from behind me and hit her with it.

She picks her head up from the pillows. “Egg farter!” she cackles, grabbing her own pillow and hitting me with it.

In a matter of minutes, we are having an all out pillow brawl. We’re on the bed, wrestling each other, whacking each other with our pillows. Every so often I’ll hear the comments “asswipe” and “egg farter” escape her, which only causes us both to start laughing hysterically.

With one hard whack, I cause her to lose her balance and she begins to fall. I catch her, and we both collapse onto the bed. We laugh for what seems like an eternity. Then it stops, and I find myself lost in her gaze. My lips brush against hers. It feels like magic...like electricity.

“Egg farter,” she coos.

I smile. “But you’re the one who likes me.”

She’s silent. A frown has taken the place of her smile. “It’s okay,” I reassure her. “I like you too. I like you a lot.”

“Are you just saying that so I’ll sleep with you?”

I think I was right about the whole theory that Court doesn’t talk to the guys she sleeps with. “Of course I’m not,” I tell her. “There’s more to you and me than sex. I can tell.”

"Like what?" She asks with a curious smile.

“Well, like...egg farts,” I chuckle. “Not many people know that about me."

“What else?” she says, tucking her chin in between my neck and shoulder. “Tell me.”

“No,” I say. “You have to tell me something about you first.”

“I like,” she glances around nervously for a moment. “Barry Manilow,” she whispers in my ear.

I laugh. “No you don’t.”

“But I do. I really do. Like…a lot.”

Geez. Barry Manilow. I guess there’s more to Court than I know. She’s so much more than the girl I slept with a few nights ago. She has this personality, this awesome, amazing personality. She’s full of silly nicknames, and random topics that anybody else would be too embarrassed to bring up.

It's been one of those nights that make me want to turn back time. The sky is clear, it's a little chilly but not so much that you need a jacket. It's a great football night. Sometimes I wonder why I'm so attached to this damned town. It's not like my family lives here anymore. It's just me, alone, with nothing but my past to hold onto. I probably should have gone to another school out of state, hell, just out of town. Shit, I should not have come here tonight.

Mark said it'd be good for me. He said that he was tired of seeing me mope around the house. But not tonight. Tonight was not a time for me to come out and party, especially with them all over each other. I don't care about Justin anymore. Ya know? It kinda…I was kinda in shock that I let myself do that, but its not like I'm in love with him. But it did hurt me. It hurt me having to watch them. It hurt me seeing him kiss her neck and have his arm around her and make her laugh. I guess its jealousy. And yeah, a little bit was me being jealous of Courtney, because I wouldn't mind having a guy be like that with me again.

But mostly, I was jealous of Justin.

I needed her tonight. I still need her. And I'm glad she's found this wonderful man that she really likes, but…

"Hey you..."

I sniff and look over my shoulder, seeing Mark standing in the doorway of the house looking down at me on the steps. I force a smile. "Hey." I look down at my right hand and flick the cigarette in-between my fingers and then bring it to my lips, sucking in a deep breath.

It tastes smooth, and I hold it for a minute before letting out the smoke with one long exhale. "What the hell are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" I don't look at him. But I know what's coming. Seconds later I feel him beside me, sitting down and reaching over to grab at my cigarette. Dammit, Mark. I just want one.

"You haven't smoked in years." I frown when I see him throw the Winston down the step where his feet are resting. He stomps on the cigarette with his shoe. "What’s up?"

I don't look at him. "Nothing. I just felt like a smoke."

"When will you learn that the words "nothing" don't cut it with me. You wouldn't tell me when I picked you up. You wouldn't talk to me at the party. Well, everyone's pretty much gone now, and I don't have anyone else to talk to. So, why don't you tell me what the hell happened today that got you all crazy?"

"Mark, why- why do you people even care?"

"You people? Come on Mere." I feel his arm around my shoulder. I don't want him to touch me. I don't want to be touched by anyone right now. I just want to be left alone. He's not gonna understand when I tell him. I don't even know why I was so upset that Courtney wasn't talking to me tonight. If I told her what my deal is, she'd just roll her eyes and probably end up getting mad at me.

But then he has to go and do it. Mark just has to squeeze me into his side and lean over to kiss my head. "Please Mere. What's going on sweetie?"

I crumble. "Chad called today."

I feel him tense up, and his arm slips from around me. I knew this a bad idea. I don't understand why I can't just handle my problems my own way, with a bottle of wine and my bed. Mark and Courtney are determined to get me out and live up my 25th year to the brink. They think Chad was pulling me down, and they're right. They think now that I'm single I'm ready to get out there and party. But, honestly, now that I'm single, I feel lost. I know he wasn't a good man, but he was my man, or at least I could trick myself into thinking so. I look to the side and see Mark staring off onto the road, his jaw locked. He's pissed. I sigh and put my head in my hand. This night just keeps getting worse.

"What'd he say?"

I look down at the ground. He's not gonna like this. "He's gonna be coming into town in a month or so."

"And what did you say?”

I can hear it in his voice that he's mad, and that's not a good thing for mister I've-got-my-emotions-in-check. I want to lie to him. I want to tell him that I told Chad I hated him and never wanted to see him again. That would make him happy. That'd probably make him so happy he'd go run inside and bust up on Courtney's little sex romp with Justin and scream the news to her and then do something crazy like kiss her. But it'd be a lie. "I…"

"You told him you missed him, didn't you?" He interrupts me. He just, he knows me too damned well. Maybe I do need out of this town. Maybe I need to get somewhere where no one knows me. Maybe I should have moved to California with Chad. No, no! Stop it Meredith. I feel it coming. I promised myself an hour ago I was gonna stop. My eyes already hurt enough.

"I can't help it." Shit, here is comes. I take in a breath and push the sleeves of my sweatshirt into my eyes. Stop it!

"Mere, you know what he's like," Mark whispers. "Now I'm not saying I'm mad at you. But I am disappointed that you would let him back in so easily."

I don't look at him. "I don't have anybody else."

"You've got me."

I give him a dumb look. He really is too much of a good guy at times. "Oh ok, Mark. Let's go somewhere and fuck then."

"Mere!"

I laugh at him. He looks so shocked. "Remember when we went out?"

He nods and looks at me with a goofy smile. "Yes, very fond memories."

I point up the road having flashbacks flood me. Whenever I look back, I think that high school was probably the best time of my life. Sometimes I wish I could go back there. I wish I could go back to Friday night football games and algebra tests and being Mark's girlfriend. Life was so much easier. "Yeah, I remember we use to go to parties up the road. Whose house was it?"

"Brandon Hill’s. His parents were so lenient and were never home, and we'd go up there after football games and drink beer and think we were so cool."

"Yeah, and you'd couldn't wait to get me upstairs." I nudge him and watch him tuck his head into his chest a little. He gets so shy whenever I bring up sex with him. I don't really know why. Mark and I know everything about each other. I really wish he wouldn't be so perfect at times.

"Mere…"

I smile seeing a grin pull at the corners of his mouth. "You used to not be able to keep your hands off me."

The smile fades and he looks at me seriously. "You know, you're the only girl I ever snuck around with."

I look into those eyes of his. I remember how I use to get lost in them, how I use to love them. Oh, how I use to love him. Sometimes I wonder why we broke up. Sometimes I wonder what I'd be like to be with him again. Sometimes I think it'd be good, real good, for us to make love again. Sometimes I picture it, in the middle of my bed, after all this time, him saying to me what he use to always say to me back in the day, "I got you Mere…"

I feel his hand on my face, pulling my hair that had fallen from where I have it pulled back. He puts it behind my ear and keeps his fingers there against my cheek. Dammit Mark, don't do this to me.

But it's too late and I can't control myself. It's been too long. Ok, so it's only been a little less than a week since I've been with a man, but Justin doesn't count. It's been years since I've been with someone that cared about me, really, truly cared about me. In fact, Mark's probably the only man that ever has. I sigh against where I've pushed my mouth onto his, wishing, praying, hoping that he'll kiss me back. Why aren't you kissing me back?

I pull back and in my sexiest voice, one that maybe he'll remember, I say, "Kiss me Mark."

But when I dip back in he's moved his head. I pull away and I feel like crying. I just made the biggest ass out of myself.

He says the words I know are going to come. I can hear them in my head already. "We can't do this," he whispers.

I curl into myself, feeling cold and forgotten. "I know."

"God Mere. I wish, I wish I could. I wish I could go back and I wish we could be together. But you know what will happen."

I nod and look down at my fingers. I start to pick my nails. "We'll just hurt each other."

His hands cover mine and squeeze them tight. "You're not in love with me. And as much as I love you girl, I'm...I'm not in love with you either. We've had this conversation-"

"I know! I know! Thousands of times. You don't have to pound it into my head again and make me feel like an idiot, thanks." Ok, I admit it. That was kinda bitchy.

He sighs and pulls me into a hug. I really wish he wasn't such a nice guy. I just wanna forget it all. Is it...is it bad that I wouldn't mind having another night like I did with Justin, where I just got drunk and forgot it all and let myself be happy for a moment? "Mere, you know that's not what I'm trying to do."

"I'm just so damned lonely."

He pulls away from me and smiles at me. "When's the last time I had a date?"

"You do that to yourself though." I roll my eyes. "You could get one easily."

"And so could you, if you put your mind to it."

"I'm too lazy." I laugh.

"There's that smile." I look at him and he's looking at me very seriously. "See Mere, that's all you gotta do. Just smile and the guys will be slobbering at your feet like bulldogs wanting their breakfast."

I can't help but laugh again. He's always got the weirdest sayings. "Gross." I scrunch up my nose.

He rolls his eyes. "Oh, excuse me. They'll rub against you and get hair all over your pants like Hamlet does and then meow at you continuously until you give them that nasty seafood crap you give him."

I immediately think about my adorable little ball of black fluff. I know the love I have for my pet is a little excessive, but sometimes I think that cat is my best friend. "Aww, I miss my Hammy."

Mark laughs. He and Courtney both don't understand my cat obsession. "You saw him three hours ago."

I pout at Mark. "But he misses his mommy."

"You're gonna be one of those ladies that's 60 and lives by herself and has 15 cats. Come on, let me get you home." He stands up and walks down the steps, putting a hand out of me to hold.

I just stare at his empty hand. Wow, that hurt. I don't think he said it intentionally but shit. Is he serious? Is that what's gonna happen to me? Am I really that pathetic? "Mark?"

"What?" He looks around for a moment, wiggles his hand at me and finally looks back. I look at him with big eyes. Sometimes I hate that I'm such a sensitive girl. Lately I've just felt like crying every day.

I take in a deep breath, "Do you really think I'll be alone when I'm 60?"

He stares at me for a moment, and I start to get a little fearful of what he's going to say. He walks towards me and looks down at me, grabbing my hands in his. He leans over and kisses the top of my head. "No, but if you are, I'll come and marry you."

I sigh in relief. At least I know I won't die alone. I let him pull me up, and I hop down the steps to link arms with him. "What's the point? You won’t be able to get it up by then."

He gasps a little. I love how I can always shock him. He knows I'm not really the shy prude I can appear to be, you just have to get to know me first. "Meredith!" He starts to laugh so hard that he throws his head back. I smile. I like making people laugh, it makes me feel good about myself. "Sometimes I think you're hornier than Courtney!"