I’ve never met a girl that knew how to use chopsticks. Frankly, I find it impossible. The noodles…they slip right off the things. I’m watching her. How she carefully formats her chopsticks so they get just the right amount of noodles between them. Then she shoves them in her mouth. Oops, one’s peeking out of her mouth. She licks it away.

Oh yeah…that’s nice.

No! What am I doing?

“Do I have something on my face?" she asks me.

"Huh?" I say, startled by her sudden outburst. "Oh…no." I hadn’t realized I had been staring at her for so long. Damn. We’ve been sitting here for a good hour, I think. The conversation has been well, kind of non existent. I mean, she asked me about my life, but I think I bored her. And then when I asked her about hers she started rambling about all these books and authors and papers and I was completely lost. But I did enjoy watching her mouth move. And she does have a nice voice. I mean, I’m happy she’s talking to me. I didn’t think she would want to after the other night.

The waiter approaches our table, and eyes our empty wine glasses. "Would you care for another glass?"

Meredith looks at me as if she’s asking for permission.

I smile. "Yes please."

The waiter nods, and hurries away. Good, the quicker it gets here the better. If she gets a little bit light headed, maybe she'll start opening up more. Courtney sure did open up the other night, in more ways than one. Damn, that was nice night.

"Was it good for you?"

I can’t believe she just asked me that. I suck in a breath and yell, "What!"

She narrows her eyes and looks at me curiously, "The soup."

My face is on fire. I can’t look at her. "Oh." I reach out to take my glass of water. My silverware is knocked to the floor. I look at her. She’s got this strange sort of smile on her face, like she’s daring me to pick it up. I’m confused. I lean down to get it. "Ow!" I yelp, as my head collides with the table. I look up at her. A small burst of laughter escapes her and she covers her mouth.

"Are you okay?" she whispers.

"Dammit," I mutter. "Yeah, I’m fine."

She’s giggling at me again. Normally, I hate being laughed at. But this time it’s different for some reason. I’m kinda happy that she’s laughing. Her smile…it’s like magic. I never got to experience it at this magnitude before. Before I know it, I’m laughing along with her. We continue on this way until the waiter returns with our drinks, interrupting our playful moment.

"Cheers," she raises her glass in the air. "To...not hitting your head on the table."

I let out a genuine laugh. "I’ll drink to that." Our glasses clink and I bring the glass to my lips, watching her do the same. It intrigues me. She closes her eyes and takes a hearty sip, not a gulp, and then pulls the thin glass from her lips. She moans, just slightly.

Shit, she just moaned.

I'm trying not to be a pervert. But it’s really damn hard. Ok, so maybe this girl and I don’t have the most in common. But she's wearing the smallest black dress I've seen in a while, and her hair is wild and sexy, even though it’s pulled away from her face, so that I can see her long slender neck.

"Justin," she says suddenly.

I meet her gaze. It‘s intense. It‘s sexy. "Yeah?"

"Do you think…I hate you?"

I chuckle slightly. "After the other night, I wouldn’t blame you if you did."

"I'm sorry I was such a little hermit. Sometimes I just don’t know how to act or what to say." She takes another sip of her wine, and flicks her tongue at the corner of her mouth to get what the glass has left behind. God…that tongue… Shit, why am I so fucking turned on? I'm usually not this bad. I mean, I just got laid two nights ago.

"Don’t apologize," I say. "I didn’t give you a chance."

"Are you giving me a chance now?"

I wonder what she means by that. I study her. She’s not giving anything away. She’s much different than Courtney. But maybe that’s a good thing. "Maybe," I smile. She gets a bashful look in her eyes but smiles at me. Damn, there is it again.

She's staring at me and I don't know what she wants, but she wants something. I want to ask her what it is, but I don't want to wipe that shy smile off her face, so I don't say anything.

---

What the hell am I doing here? I don’t know how I got here. Ok, I take that back. I do. We were finishing up dinner and we were starting to have a great time. I was on my third glass of wine, and so was he. We had both stuffed ourselves, and were giddy because of the wine. He wanted to leave. He had picked me up at my place earlier that night, he drove me down town, parked in some deck and we had walked the two blocks to Stix. I had wanted to ask him on our walk back to the deck if he was okay to drive, but right before we made it there, he turned and walked down a side street. Little did I know, we were going to his apartment.

And now here we are.

He has a lot of black and white photos on the wall. In fact the whole place has a lot of black. It's a stereotypical bachelor pad, but it's nice and classy. My head's spinning just a little bit. I've always had low tolerance when it comes to wine, but I drink it because it always makes me feel nice and relaxed.

He said he wanted to slip into something more comfortable. Maybe I should, too. My shoes quickly disappear. I wonder where they are. "Ow!" Oh…there they are.

"You okay?"

I look up. Geez. Apparently "slipping into something more comfortable" means wearing nothing but a pair of jogging pants. I can’t complain. I really like what I see. Uh-oh. I’m staring and I’m tipsy so I don’t know how to stop.

He’s getting closer. "Have you done this before?"

Man, he must work out a lot. "What’re you talkin’ about?" I say, completely lost, not being able to fully understand anything he has just said. It doesn’t matter. I’d much rather look at him than hear him anyway.

"I mean…"

Whoa, he’s closer now. A lot closer. Shit. He’s touching my shoulder. He’s looking at me like…wait a minute.

Oh my God.

The room clears up quickly and my head stops spinning, in fact, I don’t think I could even move if I wanted to. His hand is cupping the side of my neck and he's leaning in. Oh my god, he's going to kiss me.

He wants to have sex with me.

I pull away from him and let out a burst of nervous laughter. I'm getting that chance. It's all been laid out in front of me. Now I just have to take it. What the hell do I do? "Of course." I look back at him and he's following me, a determined gaze in his eyes. "I mean...I am twenty five."

I hope that sounded believable. Maybe… I should tell him I’ve never done this. Maybe I should tell him… I've only had sex with two guys and I dated both of them for six months before I let them have sex with me.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

Oh shit, he's got me. His hands are around me, he's cupping my breasts. I shouldn’t let him do this to me. I should tell him to stop. Oh god, please don’t stop. He’s kissing my neck now. Moments later I hear him whisper in my ear, "Ya know...there's this saying..."

"Wha?" I moan. I can’t help it. It feels incredible. It's been three months since I've had a man touch me.

"There's this saying," he continues. "That the shy ones are the ones to watch out for. That the shy ones… are the wild ones in the bed."

I don't say anything. What do I say to that? I'm not wild. With Mark and Chad it was always the same thing. I didn't hang from the ceiling or talk dirty or anything. That's…that's not me. He moves one of his hands down from my breasts, squeezing the other one while he continues to kiss my neck. It feels good, but when his hand goes underneath the hem of my dress and moves up to touch me through my underwear, I know I've gotta do something.

This has gotten way out of hand.

I know I looked pretty nice tonight, but I wasn't flirting with him. At least I don't think so. I'm not that girl. I'm not a temptress, I don't seduce guys. I don't let them seduce me. I pull away and turn around, hoping that I can get some space in-between us. I can't do this. I just…I can't.

Shit, I've never seen a man look at me like that before. He looks like he's going to devour me. I've never been devoured before. "Justin…"

"Shh," he says to me. "Just let me do this."

I can’t let him do this. I can’t let him touch me again. I can’t let him get near me.

But I do. And the next thing I know his lips are all over mine, his tongue is playing with mine and I’m holding on to him so tight. Don't let me go. Please, don't let me go.

"C'mon," he moans. "Touch me."

Oh man. Touch me. That’s so erotic.

He's squeezing my ass and licking my neck. He moves his hand to push the strap of my dress and bra off my shoulder, kissing me there. I'm amazed by his skin. It's smooth, and soft, but he's so hard and muscular underneath.

He's got cute freckles on his shoulders. I kiss his neck and he moans. I like that. I like making him moan. I can’t help it. I feel like a kid in a china store. Momma's told me to not to touch, but I can’t help myself. One of my hands wanders down his back and I trail a finger right above the waist of his pants, right across the small of his back. I feel goose bumps on his arms and hear him say very quietly, "Shit."

It's been so long since I've been with a man. He's making me feel so incredible. I feel sexy. I can’t remember the last time I've felt that way. Please make love to me, Justin.

"Ok," he breathes against my ear.

I pull away from where we had been holding and touching each other and look at him in his eyes. I hadn't meant to say it out loud.

And there’s no way I can take it back now.

He's swallowing me with his mouth. He's kissing me like he wants me bad. Oh, I think he does. I can feel how hard he is. Shit, I'm not supposed to be doing this. He's walking forward and I'm forced to walk backward. He keeps kissing and grabbing and touching and feeling and if I'm not careful I'm gonna let myself fall. I can’t. It's just sex. Just sex.

He takes my hand and places it on the waistband of his pants. "Pull," he says.

I look into his eyes, and as I do he stares back at me. They fall down his legs easily and he steps out of them and kicks them to the side. I don’t want to look down. He still has boxers on, but I don’t feel like I should look. I shouldn’t look.

Oh god, I looked.

I can’t help it. I crack a smile. Duckies? I look back at him and he has a grin on his face. "What?" He says. I can’t help it and a laugh escapes. I cover my mouth and look at him with wide eyes. He frowns. "You laughin' at my ducks?"

"Oh…no…"

He grabs me by my hair and brings his face close to mine. "Liar." He kisses me hard. At first I'm a little shocked, but then I kiss him back. But when I do he pulls away and grits out against my lips, "Go ahead, laugh." He gets a serious look in his eye and bends down with a cocky smile on his face.

But I don't laugh.

I gasp and look at him in shock. I look down at his hand and see my black dress crumpled and dangling from his hand. He tosses it aside and I look back up at him. I swallow. It took him less than a second to pull that thing up over my head. I blinked and the next thing I know I'm standing there, barely clothed.

This is really happening.

I’m nervous. I try to pull away from him. He tightens his hold on me. "Where the hell are you goin’?" He pushes me down on the couch. "Don’t you know how amazing you are?"

No, I want to say. No, I can’t do this. But he's already on me. He’s kissing my chest and pulling down my bra to get my breasts. I can’t stop it. I just...oh shit. He's pulled my underwear to the side. He’s touching me…Oh God…

"Stupid panties," he grumbles.

Oh god, he's gonna go inside. Shit. "Oh god."

"You like it."

It’s not a question.

"Say you like it,"

"I…" but I can’t get the words out.

"Say. You. Like. It," he commands.

"I like it," I moan. He moves his lips up to my breast which are really uncomfortable. I still have my bra on. I don’t know how this is all working out, but either my breasts need to get back in my bra or my bra needs to come off. He's sucking on one of them, s-shit he's fingering me pretty hard. It feels good, but I wish he'd slow down. I....shit...I’m not used to this.

He pulls his hand out from my underwear and I moan at his absence. "Girl, touch me. I'm not doing all the work here." He's got my hand in his. He pulls it down. Oh god. He puts my hand down his boxers. Holy shit. He's big. I hold him in my hand and watch his face change. He bites his lip and closes his eyes. He starts thrusting against my hand, and I squeeze him and try to move my hand on him a little. "Oh yeah, shit girl."

He starts going faster. I don’t know why, but I call out to him. "Justin..."

He opens his eyes and looks at me. For a moment I wonder what he's thinking. He stops moving and stares at me like he's wondering who the hell I am. Maybe he wants to stop. But no, he doesn’t stop. Instead he puts his arms around me and starts fiddling with my bra strap. "Fucking bra."

Before long, I feel it being ripped from my skin. It hurts. The little hooks rip across my back, and I know I’m getting scratched. This bra is one of those strappy, push up numbers, not your standard cotton bra. He was forceful just now. I don’t like forceful. I cross my arms over my chest and look to the side. "Oww."

It stops.

Maybe it’s because I took my hands out of his boxers. I look up at him again. He looks scared. He stares at me for several moments and then sits up. "Sorry."

I don’t say anything. I should go home. This is a mistake.

I watch him run his hands through his hair. "You’re just..." He takes a deep breath and looks me over with a lazy smile. "You're making me crazy, Mere."

He takes another breath. I can’t stop looking at him. You're making me crazy, Mere. It replays itself in my mind. I like it. I like the way he said that.

He licks his lips and turns his head lazily toward me and smiles. He leans down and puts his hands over my wrists. "Lemme check and make sure they're ok." He smiles a childish smile and I can’t help myself

I smile back at him and he stares at me for a moment. "Ok." I feel him pull my arms away from my chest. He looks for at me for a moment with a smile before leaning down and kissing my breasts, first the left one, then the right. Then he looks at me. He kisses me. I mean, I know he's kissed me a ton tonight, but this time it’s different. He cups my cheek and presses his forehead against mine. "Ju…"

"Shh," he says.

He can’t know, can he? I find myself wondering if he's figuring me out. He kisses me slowly, pulling away and rubbing his nose against mine and then going back in. His hand touches my breast and he massages it softly, kissing me like he's known me forever. He pulls away and looks down at me. I feel the hand move from my breast and slide down to my hip. I look down but I can’t see what he's doing. My breathing quickens. I'm going to have sex with him. I really am. I feel his finger hook into the thin strap of material over my hip and he starts to tug.

"I promise..." He starts and then kisses me quickly. "I'ma make you feel good."

I stare into his eyes as he pulls back. I just nod and whisper, "Okay." His other hand touches my hip and he pulls down. I feel like covering myself. I've never been really comfortable naked. He watches my body as all of it is uncovered. I want to cry. I want to have him pull me into a hug and tell me I'm beautiful and whisper that he loves me and...but no. This is a one night stand. This is just sex.

He stands up and drops my panties to the floor. I need a blanket. Where's a damn blanket? I start to look around for one but he bends down. He's pulling off his boxers. Now I'm staring...and he’s staring...we're both just staring. This is really happening. I watch his chest move. He's breathing hard. He is hard. He licks his lips.

I do the same.

I take in a deep breath when he moves to kneel down on the couch. It sounds like a gasp and he looks at me with concern. I try and smile, but I don’t think I'm successful. His hands wrap around my ankles and he moves his hands up my bent knees, kissing one of them and then down to my thighs. He crawls over me, in-between my legs. I lay there, not knowing what to do. Am I supposed to touch him? Am I supposed to kiss him? Am I supposed to say something?

I open my mouth to speak, but his hand covers it before I can get any words out. "Shh. It's fine...just fine."

My eyes are watering. Stop it Meredith. I feel scared and helpless and I don’t know why. I feel like I'm in middle school about to get my first kiss. I'm scared of stupid stuff. I feel like he might laugh at me. Or go blab to everyone that I'm gross. What's wrong with me?

“Ready?" he says.

I take a deep breath and nod.

Fuck.

I can’t help it. I wrap my arms around him and hold him tightly. He waits. I try and breathe, but it’s hard. It’s been a long time. He waits another moment and then he pulls out slowly. God, I'm gonna have to breathe or this is simply not going to work. I feel him...there. He pushes slowly, oh god, it's so slow.

"Oh god..." I get out. He does it again. I'm not gonna last if he keeps this up. It's so good. Shit, shit, shit. It's so good.

Don't stop, Justin. Please...

He does it again. I'm in heaven. Twice more and then he speeds up a bit, looking down at me with a crooked smile. I wrap my arms around him tighter. Don’t do it mere. Don’t do it. Sometimes I get teary eyed when I have sex. I'm not a crier. But sometimes a tear will slip. I don’t want this to happen. I don’t want him to pull away. I want him closer. I want him to hold me. Please...please hold me. No, no, no. Don’t stop. Please...no... I look up at him, I didn’t realize I had my eyes squeezed shut.

He looks down at me. He's trying his damndest to catch his breath. He licks his lips and inhales deeply. "You ok?"

I gulp and nod.

He doesn’t move for a moment. He looks like he's thinking, like he's trying to figure me out. No, not now. Please. Just...just hold me.

And he does.

He leans down and wraps his arms around me, still inside me. He rests his head on my shoulder and whispers into my ear, "Ok..." He moves in me. "Ok..." He keeps moving, he keeps making love to me.

------

That was amazing.

I love the feeling I get after sex. I feel refreshed, renewed. I look at her. She’s curled into this little ball. Like a hermit. I pull her close to me. "You cold?" I ask her.

"Did that just happen?" she says.

I smile. "Mmmhmm."

"Oh," she mumbles.

I lean in to kiss her again, but she turns her head away. "Mere?" What’s wrong with her? She told me that she’s done this before. Was she lying? I hope not. I don’t want her to be like…scarred or something.

She looks me in the eyes. Shit, please don’t cry. "Can you take me home, please?"

I’m so confused. "What did I do?"

She shakes her head. "Nothing. I just have some things I need to do at home."

I shoot her a skeptical glance. "Like what?"

"Just stuff."

"What a bunch of shit," I seethe. I sit up. I’m pissed now. "You’re friend wasn’t like this."

She’s silent. It makes my anger grow. "You’re friend was laid back. Damn girl, and you two call yourselves close?"

She just stares.

"Fuck," I yell, grabbing her clothes out from behind the couch. "Just put your clothes on." I throw them at her. I’m disgusted. What we just did…it was so amazing and, and so beautiful. And now she’s gonna tell me she has stuff to do? Man, that’s just shady. She’s shady. A shady fuckin’ hoe. I wonder how many guys she’s pulled this shit on? I’m sure Mark was one of them.

I angrily pull my boxers on, followed by my pants and storm away from her. I go to my room and tug a random shirt out of one of the drawers, angrily yanking it over my head. Fuck, I’m pissed. I need some water. I go into the kitchen next. That bitch is wearing me out. I can’t believe she’s gonna act like this. I mean, for a while there I thought maybe...just maybe we had something. I mean I'm not saying I was gonna be her boyfriend or whatever, but I thought maybe we could hang out again. I look over my shoulder while I pour myself a glass out of my filtered water pitcher. I think she’s crying. She better not be.

I head back into the living room again. She’s slipping her dress back on. I suddenly feel bad about how I’ve just acted. I don’t smile, but thrust the glass of water in her face. "Here."

She takes it. She drinks it in three gulps.

"Thanks." She whispers, and looks up at me with those big eyes.

I sigh. Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten so mad. "Look," I start. "I'm sorry for whatever it is that you think I did wrong. It wasn’t my intention." I wait for her to respond. She doesn’t. She just keeps staring at me. She looks helpless and lost. I wonder if she’s trying to look that way on purpose. Maybe she's trying to make me feel like shit. Ugh, bitch. "But since you have so much stuff to do, why don’t I just take you home." I walk over to the door, and pick my keys up off the small table that rests beside the door. I look over my shoulder, about to shoot another snide remark at her. She's taking forever. "Hurry up. You want to go so fuckin’ bad."

I look back at her. She's looking at me like she’s about to say something. She honestly looks hurt, like something is killing her inside. She looks like she did when…when…she asked me to hold her. She licks her lips and takes deep breath. I wait. Please say something. Please tell me what’s wrong.

Her eyes look down and she breaks our stare. She begins to slip her shoes on. She stands up and walks over to me.

Please say something, Mere.

"Sorry. I'm ready, now." She brushes past me and out the door.